A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

One Step Up And Two Steps Back

End-of-the-school-year-itis. That's what one friend called it. So many of the kids are just a little off. A little wacky. There's an energy in the air. A bit of a frenzy. Schedules are out of whack at school. The pictures come off the walls in the halls. Less academics, less structure, class parties, etc. It's hard for some kids to know what to expect, I suppose. So, there's a lot going on at school that's just a little "off". That often translates to kids like mine being a bit off, too. Don't even get me started on how the season's allergens play their role. 

Here we are. Last day of second grade. My Little Bird is in her two steps back phase and I'm feeling sad and sorry for myself about it. It's temporary, though. I know this dance. One step up and two steps back. One step up and two steps back. Kick ball change. Rinse and repeat. One step up and two steps back. If you're counting, that kinda means never really getting ahead. 

Still, every single time she steps back, I worry. Is this it? Is this as far back as she will go? Will there be three steps back this time? Or worse: what of she doesn't step forward? What if she doesn't come back to me? She always does. No regression has been permanent with her. Still, I worry. Always. 

This time of year is especially tough on me with all the end of the year parties (that she hasn't been invited to), the ballet recitals (that she can't participate in), and the excitement over sleep away camps (that she can't feasibly attend). That's the part where I start to feel sad and sorry for myself. So, I'm sorry if I haven't "liked" your kid's dance recital photos- it's just that they tend to pierce my heart. Even after all these years.

Sometimes it's easier to hibernate with the folks who just get it. The ones whose kids are also experiencing end-of-the-year-itis; the ones who don't judge my self pity. I love my Autism parent support network and I'm so grateful to have them. This, too, shall pass. It always does. What's that little saying I see people post now and then?? "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I just rolled my eyes at that. But, still, we dance. One step up and two steps back. Kick ball change. Rinse and repeat.


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