Surprisingly, I've had far less anxiety than I thought I would. The worry and the constant "what if"ing was definitely a concern before trying to conceive. I'm sure being distracted by the nausea, dizziness, discomfort, heartburn,
I'm lucky enough to have a friend also going through a pregnancy after having a child with a disability/disease who understands these strange feelings and is able to share them with me. It's a blessing to have people in my life that get it.
Am I scared? YES. I don't know that I have the strength to go through the same struggles I'd endured, continue to endure, and those that lie ahead with Little Bird. Of course, I didn't know I had it the first time around either. What's that saying about finding out how strong moms are once they're in hot water? Or is that tea bags? Whatever.
People ask me, "are there any tests you can do?" They mean to detect the Autism that made my life, well, my life. There aren't any tests. There are tests for other things, yes. But, not this. I remain cautiously optimistic, but I'm afraid to be too happy, too excited, to have expectations. I'm sure that's a normal response for someone in my
Am I happy to be having a baby? YES! Excited at the hopeful possibilities? YES! Scared? YES! Cautiously optimistic? YES. I'm all those things. Thankfully, more than anything, I'm excited for him to be here to complete our family, to hug and kiss him and to love him like mad.