A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Why I'm waiting for marriage and having a baby first

Many people have asked Ben and I if we plan to get married. Strangely, they weren't asking before we made our big announcement, but that's how societal norms work. We find that we are challenging a lot of our friends whose kids are asking questions about how we can be having a baby without being married. We have some truly wonderful friends who are rising to the occasion and having some great conversations with their children.

Last Winter, Ben and I discovered Macklemore's performance of the now hit song Same Love on NPR's Tiny Desk Concerts. I recommend watching it. It's pretty fab. We were instantly moved by the words, and the movement that's followed has been, well, moving. Being resolute in our commitment to support civil rights, we decided long ago not to enter into a legal marriage... yet. It feels a bit icky to us to be admitted to an exclusive club that is only open to some humans, not all. Yes, I was married once before, 12 years ago. In my youth and vanity, this didn't occur to me. It does now.

What a victory it was in June when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act. We are still waiting for logistics to be in place here in Michigan allowing ALL consenting adult humans to be married. I have faith that day will soon arrive. And that one day our children will think it's just as terribly absurd that GLBT couples couldn't be legally wed as my generation finds it incredulous that up until 1967 interracial marriage was prohibited. 1967!! That's just (ahem) 10 years before I was born. Crazy. When Macklemore accepted the MTV award for best video with a social message for the song mentioned above, he said "gay rights are human rights- there is no separation." Amen.

I'll be honest. I got teary watching the footage of the Same Love performance at the year's Video Music Awards. I won't even blame it on my crazy pregnancy hormones. I am always moved by seeing people who do not have to advocate on behalf of those who are being held down, but choose to anyway. Those people are my heroes. Sitting back and accepting the unacceptable? Not ok in my book. A world where people go out of their seemingly priviledged ways to fight for the rights of ALL people regardless of who they love, what they look like, pray like, even spin and flap like- that's the world in which I want to live; the world in which I want to raise my children. Yes, even if those children are born to (temporarily) unwed parents.

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