A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Maybe I spoke too soon

It's possible I spoke too soon. (School Doesn't Suck Anymore) Or I should've said a kenahora (yiddish slang for knocking on wood. kind of.).  Yes, the first few weeks of the new school have been great. I'm still suuuuuuper happy to be in this program, which is a much better fit for Little Bird than the last program she was in. But (dun dun....), there's been some behavioral stuff rearing its head. Ugh.

A couple of weeks of bathroom accidents. A few incidents of taking things away from other students. Not following directions (despite having a clear understanding of the directions). No clue what it's all about. Is she testing the teachers? Is she looking for attention? It's true that she likely isn't getting the kind of attention here that she was getting in the last program. There, she needed to be watched more closely than she does here. But, I'm not too sure I'm buying the attention argument. I think she might have something else going on.

You know those little toy cars that you have to pull back release before they can shoot forward? That's my girl. She almost always takes a few steps back before we see a huge leap forward. So, I'm hoping to see a leap forward soon. It's a shame that this is the end of the school year because I want her to get/have that structure. She doesn't qualify for any extended school year services. She'll be in day camp for 8 weeks where she'll get a lot of sensory needs met in the swimming pool and she'll be joined by her fabulous 1:1 from last year. There will be some structure there. Plus, she'll get to just be a kid, which is important from time to time.

So, maybe this is just a shitty backslide, or maybe it's a storm before the calm. I'm not sure. All I know is I'm tired of hearing myself say, "I know you can follow directions" and "Please be a better listener." I'm tired of the tantrums, the whining, the defiance.

There's a fine line between understanding that there's a processing lag for her and the fact that sometimes, she's just acting like a little shit just to act like a little shit. Plus, there's the very complicated fact that her sensory needs have been known to be more complicated at times than others. Since she can't articulate or tell me what's going on with her, I am constantly in the middle of a guessing game. I never really know what is going on and that means I never really know how to make it better- for either of us. So, I try a little bit of everything. And then, I wait. I wait for something to click, I want for it to pass, I wait for progress, but most days I just find myself waiting for a break.

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