A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My so-called Facebook hiatus

My friend Lynn, who used to write has a freaking awesome blog about raising a little girl with autism, used to be totally jealous of me make fun of me and my 1,059 (as of today- I just checked) Facebook Friends. I used to justify it by saying that everyone wants to be my friend, people think I'm so super cool , etc, I went to a lot of different schools and maintained relationships with a lot of different people. Plus, I'd moved away from my old hometown and made loads of friends in my new hometown. But, really, I'm a total liar. These people aren't all my friends. Yes, I know them, but I don't even like some of them. Why are they on here?!! I'd like to issue a public thank you to my boy Zuckerberg for creating the opportunity to block or restrict some people from viewing certain Facebook content. Like when my best friend Samantha tags pictures of us in college doing things that neither of us remembers doing.

But, alas, I think it's time to whittle down the friends list. It's not me, it's you. It's those constant Some e cards you post. It's the inspirational quotes (except Ally G's), little sayings, etc. It's the duck face, ladies. It's the photos of your lunch (precisely the reason that I'm the only person on the planet, besides my dad, who does not use instagram). Still, why am I so addicted to reading status updates? Weird. It's not like my life is boring. I find myself getting annoyed by poor grammar, jealous when I see pictures of a bunch of "friends" out together knowing I wasn't invited, jealous of vacation pics (oh, hi, yeah, not everyone can go on those kinds of vacations, people), and worst of all, the cute little stories about typically developing kids. That one always brings the waves of grief. Waves crashing, hitting me hard. Ugh, okay, fine. So it is me, not you.

That's probably why I'm bent out of shape. Waves. It's tough to read about all the things that your typically developing kids are doing, saying, learning all the time. It's not your fault. You should brag. That's really great. Enjoy it. It's just tough for me. There are no real dance recitals here, no pictures to post of my kid at sleep away camp, no baseball games, no bike riding, no outings to movies, etc. It's a constant reminder and a wave of grief when I feel my struggle and watch others seemingly have it so easy. So, I'm taking a break. A hiatus from the Facebook world. We'll see how long it lasts. Might just be for another day or so. I need to work more on not comparing my insides to others' outsides or at least what they want us to think they've got going on.

It's easy to get jealous. Raising a kid with special needs is not easy. It's hard. Very, very, very hard. I'm tired. Too tired to "like" your Facebook status today.

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