A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Easier


is it gonna get easier
is it gonna get tough

are the waters gonna open wider
or are they gonna get rough
-Joe Purdy

Sometimes I think things were easier before I became Little Bird's mom. There were no worries about forever (who will care for her after I'm gone) or even the next few years (what happens when she gets her period), about school districts and IEPs and bullying and potty training a seven year old. Whoa.

But, really, everything has gotten a lot easier since becoming a mom. But, that's because I became her mom. I don't sweat the small stuff. I did before. I'm talking about things that once might have bothered me. I remember not going to meetings or social gatherings (sometimes those were the same thing) just because I had a huge pimple or not showing up somewhere unless I looked good, socks matched, etc. I ate balanced meals, worried about what people thought of me, etc. Today, there's just no time for that. My plate is full of real problems. I don't have the time or patience to sweat the small stuff. I pay no attention to made up problems: the what ifs that carry little or no significance. I'm focused on the what ifs that are really more like the what happens whens.

Today I don't have time for matching socks- I'm not even wearing socks today! My hair is dirty, I have wrinkles and dark circles under my eyes. I'm not worried about what I'll look like when people see me. As I write this, I'm out in public. I'm just happy to be out. Of course, I've got one eye on the screen and one eye on the girl. (Yes, of course she's with me!) But tonight I get to go out to a big community event. A grown up night out!! I'll be wearing a little black dress. Yep, it'll be the same little black dress I wore to the last big community event I went to, but you know what? I don't care! In the past, I'd have worried about people noticing I'm in the same dress, same heels, same purse.Tonight, I'm just excited that I'll get to go out, and act like every other adult, while someone else lovingly deals with an un-potty trained seven year old cares for my bird. And of course I'll have a good time, and of course I'll be missing her the whole time and of course I'll kiss her when I get home while trying not to wake her!

Today's prompt: How my idea of "easy" has changed since becoming a mother

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