A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Race Is On

"Now the race is on and here comes pride up the back stretch
Heartache's goin' to the inside. 
My tears are rollin' back, tryin' not to fall.
My heart's out of the running. 
True love scratched for another's sake.
The race is on and it looks like heartache 
and the winner loses all."
-Grateful Dead

Ever play the "if only" game? I'm an expert. "If only _______, then everything will be okay and I'll be happy." And typically when whatever "it" is happens, we move gently, or not so gently, onto the next 'if only'. 

It's easy to see how I've done this with the bird:
If only she'd roll over, crawl, pull to stand, walk, talk, string words together, stop spinning, stop flapping, and on and on.

But I know it happens in other parts of my life as well. Sometimes the if only happens and it's actually not at all what we thought it would be. But is it ever what we thought it would be?

Sometimes life feels like a track event. You know: the hurdles. As soon as I clear one, another seems to be right around the bend. Sometimes I stumble, sometimes I clear them with great height (well, not great height since I'm kinda short), sometimes I try to look ahead to see just how many more obstacles there are in front of me. But of course, I can't ever really know. What I do know is that with every jump, every leap, I'm getting a little bit stronger and a little more capable. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes I even think "I can totally do this."

1 comment:

Lynn said...

I hear ya. There are the if only's and the if I could just get through's. Right now it's if I could just get through my inlaws visit, another impending funeral, Audrey's spring break, Audrey's IEP...I feel like I'm wishing my life away sometimes. But enough about me...not really, but I'm done for now.

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