A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What to expect...

"But someone, they should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down.
-Band of Horses**

Remember being pregnant and reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting?" I loved that. It was so much fun to read everything that was happening inside me and how the "thing" was forming. Then I had the baby, Little Bird. And then I read "What to Expect The First Year." And then I wanted a refund. Because none of that shit happened. My baby didn't lift her little head up, didn't roll over, didn't stop screaming. Then came those handouts at the well visits with her pediatrician: the "at x weeks/months/years, your baby should be...." That's what this is all about, by the way.

Birthdays suck. Mother's Day, too. Both of those occasions remind me of my reasons for my bad attitude drinking antidepressants xanax habit  grief. This is not how it was supposed to be and all that. Well, Little Bird just had a birthday and that means it's all coming up for me. That's why Lynn and Jill have gotten crazy lady emails from me this week and why I must be a miserable person to be around.

Yesterday was the 6 year check up. It went something like this: weight- too low, height- perfect (she does not get this from me), "here's a cup for her to pee in and here's the paperwork" (at 6 years old your kid should be...) I've literally left those papers behind since her 6 month check up. They lied every time. So, we go into the bathroom to see if she'll pee in the cup. No luck, but I was lucky enough to find a load in her underwear. Awesome. "Um, excuse me, doctor? Could you please sit in here with her while I run to the car and get new underwear?" Check up resumes and of course the doctor (whom I adore and I know she's reading this right now- hi Dr J!!!) can't go forward with her typical check up since we don't fit in to ANY of the typical questions. Dr J is pretty cool with the stuff we do and she supports us while humbly admitting that it's not her expertise or experience, but as long as we're not doing anything to harm the bird, she's supportive. About 7 minutes into our vaccine talk (we do this at every check up. I am not anti-vaccine, I'm just not doing boosters), I looked over at the bird and she had that I'm-dropping-a-load-in-my-pants look (you know the one). And that was the end of the doctor visit.

I think she's still getting used to these supplements. They're definitely having an effect on her gut. The New Deal is still a work in progress.

I left that appointment frustrated and sad. I left the "your six year old should be...." papers in the exam room. I looked at a few things on there and put it back down. Those papers suck.

We went home, watched the Duck Song on YouTube, took a bath, and carried on. Because that's what we do. We carry on. (sometimes with a load in our pants)

**As the bird soaks in her bath, I grabbed my laptop (I'm a Mac snob) and went to 8tracks.com (which I LOVE) and pressed play. This Band of Horses song was the first one to come on. Never heard it before. Perfect words.


Christine Harling said...

yeah....Sam's birthday isn't until April and I'm already dreading it. She doesn't do anything she's "supposed" to do. Those "What to Expect" books suck. There should be a "What to Expect When Your Kid has Autism" but the pages would probably all be blank.

just keep swimming....

Hang in there Dani.... :)

Big Daddy Autism said...

Yeah. "Supposed" to be doing. You mean he's not supposed to be banging his head on the floor and poopinig his pants at 8 yrs old? Gave up on those pamphlets over a decade ago.

tulpen said...

After my son was born, I wanted to take that fucking 'What to Expect' book and beat the author to a bloody pulp with it.

I never bothered with the First Year one.

For different reasons, none of the 'supposed to's' applied to him either.

Fuck it.

Jen said...

I'm sorry. That is really, really hard. Thankfully our ped has no such papers and knows to not really say too much. She kinda just asks us what is going on and if she can be of help. I think she has learned to not really offer advice and just knows we are doing the best we can. She doesn't even comment on K's size anymore b/c she knows that's all part of it (she's a bit of a chunk b/c of food hoarding). It's always a way different experience than the well checks I have for Ben. And we all need to freak out every now and again...it prevents us from really going crazy.

Brenda said...

((hugs)) Hate, hate, HATE those What to Expect books. And those papers? Your child is not the problem. The PAPERS are developmentally inappropriate for your child. So there.

Arlene said...

I definately know what you're talking about. It happens to me too with every b-day and every ped's check up visit. It's inevitable. I hope LB does something amazing today to lift up your spirits and make you feel better, but even without it, remember it is just one step at a time and we will get there.

Lynn said...

You're making me scared for Audrey's birthday. It's usually my husband that sinks into a depression and starts coming up with more shit for us to do (let's go to Germany for a stem cell transplant!).

My response was better than Jillsmo's right?

@jencull said...

Big hugs, I hate those developmental checks too. When my son had his 2 year check I just ended up laughing at the nurse, I mean WTF was she expecting. He totally blanked her and lined up blocks for the entire time. Sure what else would he do? co-operate, not a chance :D We haven't bothered with the 3 year old one, I am blissfully ignoring it because I hate those darn sheets too!! Jen

Chris P-M said...

I read "What to Expect" the one time I got pregnant, then miscarried, so that didn't even pan out. There are similar adoption "expectation" books...I devoured them all and just became depressed.

Trying not to have expectations, and kinda liking the xanax idea!

Hang in there, these days DO pass!

Heather said...

I think anything that forces you to "compare" your child to those damn normies is going to send you into depression- it does for me....it sucks. I hope it gets better for you!

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Stupid papers! I remember how at each check up it got worse and worse as the criteria got harder and my son got more behind.

And my pediatrician and I do that vaccine talk thing each time too! We almost laugh about it now. He gives his points and I tell him I'm the mom.

This was a great, honest post Dani.

Anonymous said...

waddle waddle!

Dani G said...

Dear Anonymous: I love you.
Best. Comment. Ever.

Cheryl D. said...

I'm sorry you're in a funk! Birthdays are supposed to be happy, but I can totally understand why you're sad. Little Bird does blow those stupid milestone charts away on her reading. I'm sure she's advanced in other areas too! Plus, she's damn cute!

Hang in there! Think about the progress she HAS made instead of what she isn't doing yet!

Kathy Gillman said...

Christine Harling is right... we need books on what to expect when they have Autism. You know those are inappropriate for Brodie. Ignore, my Love.
But look what she CAN do that she couldn't do at her last birthday... read, play a board game, tease you, tell you what she wants.. and more!
BTW, where did she get those adorable sunglasses? :)

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