A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Monday, June 28, 2010

A meme for me

Do you ever read Tulpensbadwords? She's really really funny. Like, really funny, ok? Well, I read her (a good reason for you to do the same) and she done tagged me in a meme. (mom: "meme" rhymes with cream and is an idea or game or picture or something that gets passed from person to person all over the interwebs)
I never do these things. You know how people send those chain letters that talk about how special friendship is and then at the bottom of the message it says that if you don't forward it to 12 people in the next 8 seconds you're going to have horrible things happen to you, your mom, your favorite child, etc? Well, I hate those and I usually delete them. Hmmm maybe there's something to that? Anyway, I've had a rough, heavy weekend (and 32 years) so I'm participating. Maybe it will be nice to do something light and fun. Tulpen, the pressure is on for this to be fun!


She wrote 8 questions for me to answer, and then tag other bloggers to do the same. Wait, I need to make up questions, too? Ugh. 


1: Desert island time: What kind of chips do you bring?
Sour Cream and Onion. Ordinarily I'd get the baked ones, but if I'm stuck on an island, I don't care. Bring on the grease!!
2: Speaking of chips. Double dip: Yes or No? Come on, nobody is watching.
Obviously. If I want more dip, I'm getting more dip.

3: You can only have ONE; your computer or your TV?
No brainer. computer. But it must be the mac. F the PC.
4: Cheesecake: Proof that God exists and wants you to be happy, and fat. Yes or no?
No. Chocolate. And candy. And chocolate covered candy.
5: Farts are always funny. Yes or no?

Yes, especially when Little Bird farts. She rips it and then, as if an explanation is needed shouts, "the butt!"


6: Got kids? Watch Disney or Nick? What's your favorite? Don't got kids? You're watching way better TV than I am. You suck.
Nick Jr. and PBS Kids. Disney is dumb. Like, really dumb. Like, really, really dumb. And thank you to LadyRen for introducing me to Dina Goldstein's Fallen Princesses. Take a moment and look. Amazing.

7:
Glee?

No effing way. Seriously. No. I don't want to spend the little time I have watching shows where kids break into song and dance around. I want to watch shows about things that really happen. Like my favorite show, Nurse Jackie. She's a ballsy, cheating, pill popping, powder snorting nurse with a heart. Oh, or Lost. That could totally happen.

8: Really embarassing guilty pleasure. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. And mine is pretty embarassing.

Ok, I guess mine is tv shows like Party of Five and My So-Called Life and Dawson's Creek and Felicity. I love Felicity. Best part of the 4 weeks of bed rest at the end of pregnancy was the 3 hours TBS played Felcicity and Dawson's Creek (I asked greg if Little Bird was a girl could we name her Joey or Josephine. He said no. He also said no to Willow and Strawberry. This is probably why she has a boy's name). 


Wait, that's it? No!! I need more questions or else I have to get up and unload the dishwasher!


Ok, here are my tags:
Erin
Ren
Lynn
Katy
Melissa
Heather
Piscesgirl


And here are your questions, ladies....
1) Last piece of music you bought/downloaded (legally or illegally)?


2) Never go to bed angry? Or too tired for that and we'll deal with it later?


3) Have you turned into your mother yet? Truth.


4) If you could go back in time to high school, would you? I would.


5) What did you eat for breakfast this morning? I had a bowl of cereal. Two parts Fiber One, one part Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries. So what?


6) Do you secretly like the songs in the Backyardigans? Yes you do.


7) Do you ever lie and say you think your friends kids are cute? What? No, no me neither. Every child is a gift (blah blah blah).


8) Desert island: husband, best friend, or Edward Cullen? Yeah, me too.


Listen, I don't really care if you participate. Honestly, my feelings won't be hurt. Mostly because I'm numb and have no feelings (kidding). But if you want to think about something other than that thing you're avoiding for 20 minutes, this is a good solution. Trust me.


Alright, Tulpen, I hope I did it right. I've never been good at following directions :)

Friday, June 25, 2010

*This Moment*

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Random Thought Thursday

-Ladies and gentlemen, I have achieved a personal, long-time goal. I made it out of Target for under $100 this week. That's right. I did it. I cannot believe it. I'm so proud!!




-Facebook, let's talk about something. Suggestions. WTF are these based on? I don't keep kosher, don't drink Smirnoff (grey goose, baby!), and I have a hard time seeing the connection between Obama and Bob. I mean, except for the obvious one: politics.

-A couple days ago I got a package addressed to Little Bird and in it was a card saying that someone has "symbolically" adopted a dolphin in her honor. No name, so if this was you, let me know (yes, it was probably my hippie mother). Also included in this package was a cute little stuffed dolphin. At least I think it's a dolphin. The tag says it's a Koala, so I'm  little confused. Species Fail. 

-Finally, reason 4080 that I want to be my husband when I grow up: He is on vacation for the next 5 days. Yes, vacation. Like where he took an airplane to visit with friends while I stay home and take care of the kid and the life back here. Please don't tell me that I should do the same and let him care for her for a few days because it's not happening. It's just not. Man, I hope he'll send a postcard or something!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I'll think you're cooler if you are an organ donor

Alright people, there's something happening right now that I'm really really really excited about. I've talked before here all about my favorite little miracle, Shay. Just last month, we celebrated the sixth anniversary of Shay's heart transplant which she received at four months old. Four months old!!! The only reason she is alive today is because another family made the very important decision to donate their loved one's organs. 
Obviously I had to include a pic of Little Bird and Shay together!! This was taken a just few weeks ago...


I know you've probably thought, "dude, of course I'd give away my organs; it's the right thing to do." You may have even signed the back of your driver's license. But, it's not enough. You must register as a donor. And then tell your loved ones about your decision. I'm gonna make this really easy on you. If you live in Michigan (like I do), you can enter your name and driver's license number into the widget I have right over there (<-------) on the left side of the blog. And boom! You'll be registered. If you're not in Michigan, click HERE to find your state and register. Seriously, it's gonna take you about 15 seconds, but it's gonna change someone else's life. Forever. 
Oh, and if you DO sign up, let me know. You'll move up a few notches in my book :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Taking Time

"Stand tall but wearing thin.
I'm wearing thin."
-Needtobreathe


A few weeks ago I was introduced to someone who knows a lot of the same people I know. He asked me how I know all these people: "what's the connection?" The introducer jumped in and said "oh, because Dani sits on a million boards and chairs every committee in the world." Obviously he was exaggerating but not by much. It's true. I'm busy. I run from activity to activity. Drop off/pick up at school, driving around to therapies, groceries (keeping a kid on a restricted diet means traveling to every market in town for foods), necessities, appointments; then there are the many boards/charities I sit on which hold many meetings and events; then there's my paid gig at a local non-profit. I'm busy. And I run late. A lot. 

I know many moms feel they are just as busy. And I bet you are!! But can you imagine the busy-ness of all that AND still having to dress your 5 1/2 year old? I'm not talking about picking out clothes (which I do have to do). I mean I have to physically dress her. Just like you probably did when your kid was, I dont know, 2? When do kids dress themselves? And then there's the potty. I still have to take my kid. Every time. Well not for poop, brcause she won't do that on the the potty. You know what that means for me, right? There are times when I need to spoon food into her mouth still, too. It makes me even busier because these things take time. It all takes time. 

Taking time.

People are constantly telling me I need to take time for me. Do things for me. They say I need to do things that have nothing to do with special needs. This, by the way, is close to impossible because with every breath I wonder how she's doing, what shes doing or not doing, and most often am I doing enough? And I even fear what awaits me when I get back to her. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised. But only sometimes. 


Almost every night I have something going on. Last night I attended a dinner event where I heard the great Dr Elie Wiesel speak (nothing to do with special needs, though I did see both our DAN doc and a therapist we've worked with). It was amazing. Tonight I will attend a meeting for one of the boards I sit on (nothing to do with special needs). And it goes on. In fact, last weekend my friend Becca told me I'm the busiest person she knows (and I doubt she took into account the still having to treat my 5 1/2 year old like the 2 year old she often functions as)- that was right before I had to leave her house after an outburst by the bird. 
When I do get a free moment, I want to melt into my couch, listen to some good music, drink a glass (or bottle) of wine and just chill the f out. 

There's not much downtime in my job as Little Bird's mom. When I get it, I try to enjoy it. I don't go see movies I don't want to see just because everyone else wants to see them. Its a good way to take care of me. I'll meet them for dinner and then go home or to the bookstore while they go see it. I need to take advantage of my time because there's not a whole lot of it. The past 4 times I've had babysitters, I've gotten calls or text messages saying that they need me to come home- they can't take the tantrums or the bursts of crazy energy (sensory) or whatever. Does that happen to you, too, typical moms? I have no frame of reference. But I do know that it sucks. It certainly makes it harder for me to enjoy "taking time" when my phone is buzzing all the time. And if you just said that I should turn the phone off, you obviously don't have sick, "special" kids. Because moms like me never turn it off- the phone, the brain, whatever. It's always on. Always.

So if you see me closing my eyes in the waiting room of a therapy center, or dancing to the music on the elliptical machine, or singing at a red light, don't mind me. I'm just taking time. 

Monday, June 21, 2010

A slight discomfort (with the update)

"This shouldn't hurt but you might feel a slight discomfort"
-The Hold Steady

Ten days ago, Little Bird graduated from preschool. Today is the first day of camp. Aside from the very few times I've traveled without her, today marks the first day that she and I will be apart for six hours. She really has no clue. All she knows (and all she needs to know) is that mommy always comes back to pick her up. Preschool hours were 9-12 (she always had half days because we filled her afternoons with therapies). Camp hours are 930-330. Twice the amount of time!!

This is no ordinary camp. Well, actually it is. That's what's so remarkable about it. She is attending a full inclusion camp where she will be fully included with typical kids and she'll have a shadow. Actually, she'll have Lena (we are so lucky!!). Still, I expect to worry all day about: what she ate or didn't eat/drink; did she have accidents?; did she behave (she's going through a rough behavioral patch)?; is her sensory system regulated? Wow, I'm already freaking out. But, it's time for her to learn a little bit of independence, to break the enmeshment, to navigate some of the world without my hand to hold. Because I can't be there all time. At least not from 930-330.

Yesterday was the parent orientation. Greg and I got to get a tour of the campgrounds and see all the awesome activities the kids will participate in. I brought my camera, snapped pics of the area and her counselors. Then I showed Little Bird all the pictures and told her who everyone was and what she'd be doing in each space: "here's where you'll eat lunch, and here's the swimming pool, and here's the dance room!" I think I gave her a better idea of what to expect. She now knows her camp counselors names and faces. I hope this makes her feel a little more prepared and a little less anxious.

Ready to go with her backpack that's bigger than she is!


Bye mommy!


Stay tuned for the first day of camp wrap-up.

***UPDATE***
I had to stand in a line to sign her out. I saw the assistant director of the program she's in (the kindergarten camp) and I awaited the moment she'd see me and then I'd take that split second to read her face and thus set the tone for the rest of my afternoon. She smiled. All she said was "amazing!!" I asked "really?" and she started saying that it was such a great day and that she can't wait for LB to come back on Wednesday (Little Bird is going to camp MWF so that TTH will be filled with therapies). I told her she had to stop talking or I'd start crying in front of all these other moms.  I found the bird on the playground with Lena and got the low down. She participated, had fun, ate her lunch and snacks, told Lena when she had to pee, and came home exhausted. I'm proud. I'm giving her a few minutes to regulate after a long day. Then it's off to a nice relaxing Epsom salt bath. I think it might be an early-to-bed kind of night!!
Oh, and me?? Well, I was ridiculously busy today and I think that helped keep my mind off of what she was or wasn't doing. It was weird eating my lunch alone. I definitely missed her today. But you know that by tomorrow morning I'll be ready for her to go back again :)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Queen of Creativity

My friend, Ren, also known as The Lady of The Arts, sent me a treat a few days ago. It's a bird!! Love it! Actually, her mom who is often referred to as the Queen of Creativity, made it.
Dontcha LOVE it?!!

Friday, June 18, 2010

*This Moment*

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Random Thought Thursday

-During a recent visit to the Target Bookstore (when your kid is obsessed with books, any store that has books becomes "the ____ bookstore"), I noticed a book that seemed out of place. One of these things is not like the other.


-Out to lunch a few days ago, I realized that I judge people based on how they treat the wait staff. I think you can tell A LOT about a person based on that.


-I know or have direct contact with every one of my Facebook friends, but I don't know all of my tweeps (twitter peeps). I've found that I really like a lot of my twitter and bloggy people- sometimes even more than the people I know in for reals life.


-I don't care what anybody says, having the stomach flu sucks. So glad that's over!


-Favorite tweet of the week:
Wilfried139 @TheRealDaniG , my email is wilfriedmaul@web.de send me with picture soon back allright
    Wilfried Maul Wilfried139 @TheRealDaniG iam from germany and look for girl / woman frienship any country wait for write me

** so there's his email address in case you wanna send him a picture ;)
-Here is a list of the three new CDs I'm listening to right now:






Monday, June 14, 2010

"I just can't take the stares"

Have to post this because it just happened to me.

Walking around Target with my mom (who is visiting us) and Little Bird (who is "off"). We were done there and walking toward the exit. I could hear a kid screaming from quite a bit away. A part of me thought, "ha! even 'normal' kids scream!!" Then, I saw the woman walking toward me with the little boy in the shopping cart. He was screaming his head off and she remained pretty calm and just walked along like she was trying to ignore him. As she got closer, we made eye contact. I was going to say to her in passing, "I get it. We've all been there," which I've said to other mothers in that situation. Sometimes you just need to know that you're not alone and that sometimes kids scream. But before I could, she shrugged her shoulders and she said to me, "He has Autism and he screams." I told her, "I get it. We have it, too." Then she told me that she hates how people stare and that she usually doesn't take him out like this. "I just can't take the stares." Then she said the worst part: "I have 4 kids. 3 of them have it." My heart sank and I got teary. I had to run after the bird and she was trying to find her daughter in the store so she could get the hell out of there. I wanted to hug her and to commiserate longer, but Autism doesn't give us much time for that. All I could say was, "I really get it." And I do.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

OAT results

Last week I was at an event where I saw a lot of people I know. More than a few of them stopped me to say they read this stuff here and really enjoy it. Weird. First of all, sometimes I forget that people actually read this- especially people I know in my real life. Secondly, sometimes I'm completely shocked to learn that certain people do. Listen, if you do read this, tell me. I wanna know. Boost a girl's ego a little bit, okay? Oh, and would it kill you to "follow" me on here? 

Anyway, one friend asked me if I ever got the OAT results back and it suddenly hit me that I never told you about that. I got some basic preliminary results, but I have an appt to meet with the voodoo doctor this week (I might even be able to convince Greg to come with me), where I'll get more information. Until then, here's the deal...

Apparently the bacteria is down (woohoo), but the yeast is "through the roof" (mother effer!). My friend Melissa describes this as the hotel theory: as soon as you kick out some guests, you're making room for others to move in. I've always been so "proud" that she doesn't have yeast!! So "proud" that she has never been a sick kid *knocking on wood*, so she's never taken antibiotics that might have brought on the yeast... until we used antibiotics (flagyl) to treat the bacteria in her gut. It's like I traded one beast for another. Not my plan. 

But...

This OAT which showed such high yeast was taken before this last round of flagyl. And she got so much better after this round. I'm talking SO much better. But, here we are almost three weeks after her last dose of flagyl and it's not good. It's kinda bad. Way super scripty, suddenly overly-sensitive to sounds and her fingers are constantly in her ears. I guess the good thing is that she's not flapping so much lately. She can't, really. Her fingers are constantly in her ears.
It's hard to see. I have all the fears about this being the beginning of the end of this "good wave" of the cycle. But, I'm gonna try really really really hard to just take it a day at a time. Stay tuned.

Friday, June 11, 2010

(Preschool) Graduation Day

"We'll remember always
Graduation Day"
-Beach Boys














This little girl here... she changed our lives. 
She showed us that there ARE typical kids out there who will want to be Little Bird's friend and will LOVE her for who she is- without focusing on the things she can't do...yet.



I saved the best for last...

"The Angels hung around"
-Rilo Kiley
You never know who's gonna come into your life and change it for-effing-ever.
Little Bird with her advocates. I love these girls. And if you're reading this, Lena and Laura, I have an extra bedroom and I'd like you girls to move in and be with us FOREVER. Just putting it out there :)

I held it together pretty well through the (very long) ceremony, but when it was time to leave I lost my shizz. Tears. Streaky mascara. It wasn't pretty. 

*This Moment*

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama



Thursday, June 10, 2010

Random Thought Thursday

It's Thursday and I have some random thoughts. So, here it is... Random Thought Thursday


-Even though I am extremely jealous that I wont get to have the normal experiences that typical parents of typical kids have (full disclosure), I have found one that I'm okay skipping.  I know dance classes and recitals are rites of passage for typical little girls and I know it's a source of great pride for many moms but I'm very uncomfortable seeing the photos that many moms (yes, my friends) post on FB of their little girls (six and under) all dressed up and with so much make up on. Can't help but think these pics could be pedophile porn or Bratz dolls. That's all I am going to say about that and thats the nicest way I can say it.


-I have friends of all different ages. Always have. Two weeks ago I went to a surprise party for a friend's 50th. Last weekend I went to a party for someone a little bit younger than I am. Greg and I noticed loud cheers coming from the garage- they were playing beer pong!! We used to call is quarters (when I was your age...). I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a CW teen drama; I mean, one set in the midwest. But at least I looked good doing it.


Last weekend my kid got her first tattoo. And to think I waited until I was 15 (but if my dad is reading this, then it was actually 21 and I was fully self supporting). But actually the bird's tattoo was from a face painting booth (don't touch my face, but you can draw on our arms) at our local Relay For Life event to benefit the American Cancer Society. I let her choose from the picture board and she immediately pointed to the cupcake, "I want tuptate" (she has a tough time pronouncing the "k" sound). Once it was done and I was speaking with my cutesy mommy voice saying, "look, honey, you got a cupcake!!" She looked at it, then looked at me and said, "I want EAT tuptate!" We thanked the "artist" and went on our way with Little Bird confused and pissed!!


I've found quite a few things in the laundry machine over the years. Usually a dollar here or there, tissues, gum wrappers, etc. Today I opened the machine and found my lip gloss. Hope the watermelon flavor is still intact. Priorities!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

School's Out!

"School's out for summer!"
-Alice Cooper

It's graduation season. People keep putting up posts on facebook about their kids graduating preschool, kindergarten, finishing first grade, whatever. They all share the same sentiment: wasn't it just yesterday that I walked him/her in for the first day of school?? Well, I have the same, but different, feelings. Little Bird is finishing up her preschool career this week. Only I'm not really feeling like, 'wasn't it just yesterday...' I'm feeling like, "Noooooo! I need more time! I need another two years to prepare her for kindergarten, get her more speech, OT, play/social therapies!!" But I don't have another two years or so. I have about 2 or 3 months. It's not enough.

I spoke once before about this age and why FIVE is such a magic number. Didn't click on the links? I don't care! The point is, five is a big deal and I'm in it. Little Bird started out her preschool career in special ed/developmental delay preschool. She did not thrive. It wasn't until she was 4 that I realized that it wasn't her, it was the program. We've seen an amazing change now that she's in this inclusion program with regular boring ordinary typical kids. It's literally like social therapy for her. I've definitely seen loads of behaviors from those kids that I wouldn't want to see in my kid: pushy pusherman, whiney whinerstein, overly-sensitive sally, bossy bosserfield, etc. But these kids have opened up to my kid and have truly fallen in love with her. They beg for play dates and really enjoy being with my bird. It takes us forever to get out of there because every single kid demands a hug goodbye from Little Bird. I think there's only one little girl who's a little uncomf with the bird's differences, but I think that's okay. Most of the parents have also been very open, welcoming, and accepting. Only one parent seemed a bit off-putting. Don't worry, you know I can handle her.

Next year, Little Bird will be in a kindergarten class with some of these same kids. Most of the kids will go on to the local elementary schools. A few will stay here in this smaller program. I think there will be about 7 or 8 kids in her class next year. She will be the only kid with special needs, once again. And again, she'll have a great advocate with her. I'm just as nervous as I was a year ago when I knew she'd enter this program after leaving the "special" preschool program. But after seeing how amazing this year was, I am a little bit more ready... Ready to see her grow and thrive.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

How I got from there to here

I've received a few requests to post here, on this site, what I posted as a guest blogger on my friend Leigh's site, To Kid or Not to Kid. So, here it is. Enjoy. Then tell me what you think.


I was not the kind of girl who ever dreamed of getting married, having babies, and being all housewifey or mommy-ish. Just wasn't my style. I was going to be a free spirit, free love, career girl. Well, that was my plan as a teenager. It didn't last long because at 19 I met and moved in with my husband. Much to the surprise of many, I was the first of all my friends to get married. I guess to add insult to injury, we moved away from our fast paced life in Los Angeles and found our way to the suburban midwest. I mean, I'm in the suburbs of Detroit, but still, it's the midwest. After about 3 years of marriage, I started wanting a baby. I'm not entirely sure why but here are some of the reasons I do remember: I wanted something with which I could share unconditional love, something that was part me and part my husband; I wanted my parents to be young enough to enjoy grandchildren (my dad still gushes about his relationship with his own grandfather), and I wanted my children to be able to enjoy and have a relationship with their grandparents. There's one more reason that I can think of... it just seemed like the next right thing to do. You know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then...

Before our daughter was born, my husband and I had it made. We often said that if we weren't us, we'd be jealous of us. Not to be snarky, but rather just enjoying where we "were". Moving away from LA was really quite amazing for us. We had to learn to really rely and depend on each other and we got to experience this whole new life together. It strengthened our bond. Yep, seemed like a baby was the next thing to conquer. So, we got pregnant. Like, right away. I got sick, I got better, I got glowy, I got fat. We didn't find out what we were having which was awesome and so much fun. But, I didn't need to find out because I was SO sure I was having a boy. I picked out a boy's name, painted the room blue and got all kinds of cute little green, yellow, and white clothes. Then one day I pushed and pushed and finally my baby came out. (there was more to it than that, but that's not what this post is about!!) I remember shouting for no one to tell me what it is so that my husband could be the one to tell me. I can still hear his voice whispering to me, "it's a girl". I was shocked. I gave her the boy's name anyway because, well because I could, dammit! I swore I'd never dress her in pink or anything too girly. How could I have a girl? I had no idea what I'd do with one of those! I really was shocked. That was just the beginning of the surprises that were in store for me.
Around her 6 month check up is when we were first alerted to the fact that my bird wasn't hitting milestones. We started physical therapy immediately and started seeing every specialist in town. As time went on, she'd finally hit her milestones, just really late. But, the more time that went on, the more we noticed. At 2, she wasn't talking, so we added speech therapy. At 2 1/2 she was displaying signs of sensory problems, so we added Occupational Therapy. Around 3 1/2 we finally got the Autism diagnosis and we added Play therapy and Applied Behavioral Analysis (google it. I don't have time to explain it now). We're active in "special needs" organizations and have made some pretty great connections with some pretty incredible people who are in the same boat. One of the charities we love pairs typical teens with kids with special needs. I don't know all the volunteers that have worked with my kid, but I've been stopped in the grocery store, restaurants, etc. by people who know and love my kid. I tease each new therapist that works with her that they're bound to fall in love with her. Each and every one of them tell me that they adore her and that she's become a part of their hearts. At 5 years old, my kid has already made an impact on the lives of others', just by being herself. I doubt most "typical" kids' parents hear that kind of stuff. Would I trade it all for a typical kid? Maybe. This is a tough life.


Is it all worth it? Would I do it all over again? Most days I'd tell you YES! Definitely!! But, I'd be lying if I said that I feel like that ALL the time. In fact, I kinda think any parent of any kid has at least a day or two like that.


I've gone back and forth about whether to have another child. If I was guaranteed a typical, healthy kid, I'd probably go for it. But, since I can't seem to get that guarantee, I'm out. My husband argues that we should have the chance to have a normal kid. I just can't take the risk. Some days I'm not at all concerned about having another kid like my bird. I'm scared of all the other shit out there; the rare disorders she'd been tested for while we were ruling things out; the things I've seen in waiting rooms, etc. I would like a sibling for my bird (and maybe a future caretaker!!), but I also want to be able to give 110% of myself to her and I'm not sure it would be fair to another kid. I know some siblings of people with special needs, and they do feel like it's their responsibility to care for their sibs as they age. A couple years ago I sat, waiting for my nails to dry at a salon, and an older lady (80+) told me that "the world is so big and she'll find where she fits." I think that there are so many ways that the world is growing more and more accepting of people with special needs and I really do think she'll find her fit.
So, even though my dream didn't happen exactly as I'd hoped and planned, I've turned into the most amazing mom I know. It's true. I never thought I'd be as patient, loving, and accepting as I am. I honestly surprise myself daily. Especially since I do dress her in pink every so often :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

*This Moment*

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Random Thought Thursday

"What was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane."
-Bright Eyes

-You all know that it's Sex AND the City, right? Not Sex IN the City. Not a fan (at all) and never seen either movie, but for some reason it makes me nuts that people get it wrong.

-Last weekend I sat by the pool in 50 SPF and a hat. Yes, I'm that girl now. A far cry from my teenaged days on the beaches of Malibu covered in baby oil. In my defense, the hat was mostly to keep the pink in my hair from bleaching out and the 50 was all I had since it was what I put on Little Bird. But, still, there I was...

-I recently blurted out to my husband that I want to learn to play the banjo... and I think I mean it.

-So you know the socially-conscious shoe company called Toms? Well, the deal is you buy a pair and they give a pair to a child in need. There are amazing stories of kids who can't attend school because they have no shoes. This company's one-for-one program is pretty amazing. But here's the thing... I ordered a pair (I'm very socially aware, you know) but they're a little too big. So, I had to send them back in exchange for a different size. But what if those don't really fit either and I have to make a return? Think they'll go into an impoverished nation and snatch back a pair of shoes from some little kid?

-I may have mentioned that my kid loves books. True Story. This morning, I watched my husband try to read the paper (wall street journal: eeeewww) but the bird wanted to read her books with him. She read this one to him:

and made him read this one to her:

and then they read this one to each other:

It's okay, you can admit that it's pretty freaking cute.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The cool kid

Every day there's a different "leader" in Little Bird's class. The leader literally leads the class to the enrichment rooms (computers, science lab, gym class, music class, etc), tells the class what the weather looks like outside and what day of the week it is. Yeah, it's a pretty big deal. Most importantly, the leader brings in a book or two to share with the class. The teachers read the books during circle time or story time or whatever they call it. So, last week I was dropping the bird off and I saw a little girl come in with the book that LB gave her for her birthday. Oh, I give books for gifts because, trust me, these kids have enough toys. Plus, Little Bird LOVES books. As far as obsessions go, I got lucky with her and her books (she's the reason I'm the mayor of barnes and noble on foursquare)

I've been giving books for years. I was on a trend of giving the book
If Peace Is by Jane Baskwill:

I'm currently passing out the remainders of the book the little girl brought in last week:
How Full is Your Bucket (for kids). 
It's all about building self esteem in yourself and others; treating others well and with respect.

Anyway, my point is I watched this little girl come in to lead the class and she carried the book around to the other kids and proudly exclaimed, "{Little Bird} gave me this book for my birthday!!" Like that was something SO COOL. Dude, I think my kid is the cool kid at school!! For reals! I'm so glad that this little girl was proud to have LB as her friend and to brag about the gift she received from her. I'm just glad the other kids didn't blurt out that they'd received the same book on their birthdays. Time to switch it up a bit. Next book I'm giving out is My Brother Charlie.

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See, it's not just my mom! (since Jan 1, 2010)