A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Monday, July 12, 2010

sick and tired of being sick and tired

Oh, hi there. Hey, I noticed that I haven't been posting as much as usual lately. I think it's because things have been going really well. Little Bird is definitely on an upswing. I'd say we've had a good 2 weeks. In a row. Impressive for our history. A lot of it has to do with her gut. Cleaning it up and cleaning it out. We added metamucil a few weeks ago and it's helping to avoid constipation and thus toxins in her gut from leaking out into other places they don't belong. I know, I know, it's so hard to buy in to. I am such a natural born skeptic, but it's just impossible to deny that Little Bird is such a "gut" kid when as soon as we treat her gut, we see amazing changes and results.

Anyway, things have gone well.

I've been happier, funnier (right?), more energetic, just feeling better. I've been working out more, smiling and laughing more. The music I've been listening to lately has changed a lot, too. More happy, upbeat; less sad boy with a guitar. So, it was a complete shock on Saturday when I started feeling exhausted and sooooo weak. Could have been a little bug. I toughed it out so I could make it on to the boat for fireworks on the lake Saturday night. Fun night. I felt a bit better. Slept 9 hours that night but woke up exhausted. Listless. After talking it over with a friend (always a bonus when one of your very best friends is a nurse), it occurred to me that I could be dehydrated. In my friend Lisa's words, "it's been Africa hot lately" and sooooo humid. I've been working out more, sweating more, and probably not drinking enough water. Coffee, yes. Water, no. I felt a bit better yesterday after loading up on fluids and trying to rest. I say trying because neither my husband nor my daughter let me rest very much.

Last night I was exhausted. Fell asleep at 10:30. Wide awake at 11:30. It took my brain about 10 seconds to go from "oh, didn't I just fall asleep?" to "omgomgomgomg". I could feel the cortisol pumping through my veins. So anxious. Not even sure what the anxiety is about. That's what is so strange about anxiety... sometimes there's no clear reason for it. It just creeps up on me. I made my way to full blown panic, but the Xanax kicked in before I got there. Still can't quite figure out what it's about. Might be the concern over feeling so weak all weekend. Might be because I worry about the bird. Might be because I'm too overwhelmed by all the tasks I take on. Might also be because I feel like I'm so busy taking care of everyone else and no one is taking care of me. Might be hormonal or chemical. Who knows? All I do know is that I hate feeling anxious. I hate not being able to make it go away. I hate feeling tired after a night of not sleeping well, up with worry and too much stress. I do know that if you deal with too much stress and just keep on going, it bites back sooner or later.

I'm sick. And tired. And sick and tired.

What? What's that you say? I should lay low and get a good night's rest? Yeah right! I have a meeting for yet another charity/program I work with.

10 comments:

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

I know exactly how you feel-
It might be allergies too- They make me dead tired sometimes- It's probably the planets though- THEY are on a up swing now- Glad to hear LB has been chirpy good lately!
Did you see the chirpy goodness I posted about?

http://ladyofthearts.blogspot.com/2010/07/bird-decal-giveaway-contest-follower.html

Eclipsed said...

I wish I could wrap you up in a big e-hug. It's so hard sometimes I feel like I'm going to crush after the weight. Schedule in a day, I know it's lame to schedule in your me time but I am wise and all-knowing so do it, or half a day if you can't do a full one and do something for yourself. Take a bath, go shopping, go to the beach, browse at a book store, lock yourself in the bedroom and watch The Notebook. You'll feel like a new woman. I'll be thinking of you.

Lynn said...

Are you pregnant? That's the only thing I could think of that would make you both exhausted and completely panic-stricken. I'm glad that LB is in a good place...somehow things never seems to come together at once. Sometimes when Audrey is in a good place I get panicky waiting for the next shoe to drop. Because I'm crazy and don't expect things to ever go well and assume that the next disaster is around the corner. Don't be like me.

Penny said...

I was like that when I was pregnant...

Dani G said...

Ladies, I promise I'm not pregnant. Just a bit too worn out. Anyone know what that's like?

I'm taking all your e-hugs in and squeezing you right back!

Devon said...

I think I was feeling you, or you were feeling me, because I got way panicky this weekend out of nowhere. Took Ativan, which I haven't taken in a WHILE. Felt anxious because the landscaping I'm doing is going slowly and I feel stupid devoting so much time to it. Had to self-talk myself and remind myself that my anxiety isn't real. Sometimes it pops out when I eat junk food. (I had Domino's pizza for dinner the night before my anxiety attack.) Hang in there!!

tulpen said...

Yeah. I suck at advice so I'll spare ya. Except for this;

Xanax is always a good idea.

Linda said...

I hope you are feeling better. Sometimes stress is our worst enemy and can really cause more symptoms than you can imagine.
A SITS friend

Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do said...

Ugh. As a fellow panic attack sufferer I feel your pain. Thank God for Xanax. I hope you are are able to get some rest soon. :-( Being stretched to thin is total hell.

Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do said...

Ugh. As a fellow panic attack sufferer I feel your pain. Thank God for Xanax. I hope you are are able to get some rest soon. :-( Being stretched to thin is total hell.

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