Oh, hi there. Hey, I noticed that I haven't been posting as much as usual lately. I think it's because things have been going really well. Little Bird is definitely on an upswing. I'd say we've had a good 2 weeks. In a row. Impressive for our history. A lot of it has to do with her gut. Cleaning it up and cleaning it out. We added metamucil a few weeks ago and it's helping to avoid constipation and thus toxins in her gut from leaking out into other places they don't belong. I know, I know, it's so hard to buy in to. I am such a natural born skeptic, but it's just impossible to deny that Little Bird is such a "gut" kid when as soon as we treat her gut, we see amazing changes and results.
Anyway, things have gone well.
I've been happier, funnier (right?), more energetic, just feeling better. I've been working out more, smiling and laughing more. The music I've been listening to lately has changed a lot, too. More happy, upbeat; less sad boy with a guitar. So, it was a complete shock on Saturday when I started feeling exhausted and sooooo weak. Could have been a little bug. I toughed it out so I could make it on to the boat for fireworks on the lake Saturday night. Fun night. I felt a bit better. Slept 9 hours that night but woke up exhausted. Listless. After talking it over with a friend (always a bonus when one of your very best friends is a nurse), it occurred to me that I could be dehydrated. In my friend Lisa's words, "it's been Africa hot lately" and sooooo humid. I've been working out more, sweating more, and probably not drinking enough water. Coffee, yes. Water, no. I felt a bit better yesterday after loading up on fluids and trying to rest. I say trying because neither my husband nor my daughter let me rest very much.
Last night I was exhausted. Fell asleep at 10:30. Wide awake at 11:30. It took my brain about 10 seconds to go from "oh, didn't I just fall asleep?" to "omgomgomgomg". I could feel the cortisol pumping through my veins. So anxious. Not even sure what the anxiety is about. That's what is so strange about anxiety... sometimes there's no clear reason for it. It just creeps up on me. I made my way to full blown panic, but the Xanax kicked in before I got there. Still can't quite figure out what it's about. Might be the concern over feeling so weak all weekend. Might be because I worry about the bird. Might be because I'm too overwhelmed by all the tasks I take on. Might also be because I feel like I'm so busy taking care of everyone else and no one is taking care of me. Might be hormonal or chemical. Who knows? All I do know is that I hate feeling anxious. I hate not being able to make it go away. I hate feeling tired after a night of not sleeping well, up with worry and too much stress. I do know that if you deal with too much stress and just keep on going, it bites back sooner or later.
I'm sick. And tired. And sick and tired.
What? What's that you say? I should lay low and get a good night's rest? Yeah right! I have a meeting for yet another charity/program I work with.