A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Faith through a tissue box

Every so often I am taken over by fear. My fear is so often False Evidence Appearing Real. It's not based on anything happening right now, rather it's anticipatory anxiety and fear; what if what if WHAT IF???


The last regression Little Bird went through was intense and left me feeling even less safe and secure with regard to her future. I'd been getting really worked up. Like-waking-up-in-a-cold-sweat kind of worked up. I know my thoughts are irrational and that they're based on feelings, not facts. So, I rely on those who have facts and experience to give me their take. And then I try to believe them. Sometimes I even hold on to the positive things they say. Sometimes I need to. But my fear makes me forget them.

So, I wrote down some of the positive thoughts Little Bird's therapists, doctors, and teachers have shared with me. I wrote them down on small pieces of paper, and then folded them up, dropping them into an empty tissue box. When I need to, I can reach in and grab an affirmation, a reminder of reality to push away the false fears that paralyze me. I need these notes, these reminders of what's real as opposed to my fears. I need the encouragement to keep going, keep fighting, have faith. I'm not a negative person, I'm just full of fear. In fact, I think this is actually an extremely positive little project. See, I trust these people. They have experience that I don't have, plus they're not emotionally attached. I am. They can see things more clearly. I can't.

Look, I'm not holding on to false hope that this will go away, but I do want this to get better. Because right now it's hard. Like, really hard. And I do have faith, but sometimes I need just a little more. Now all I need to do is reach into my little tissue box to get that boost.

I know a guy who says that issues are like tissues: once you pull one out, another pops right up. Well, I'm hoping that will be the case with my little tissue box :)



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9 comments:

Lynn said...

Keep on trucking mamasita. I need to know what some of those affirmations say. It's definitely hard to come up with them during the hard times so I like the idea of stocking up for a rainy day.

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

great system D- I think everyone could use a tissue box.

Heather said...

Great post Dani- I don't consider myself negative either and the way you put it being our "fear" instead is very, very true.

Kristine said...

You're not alone. I vacillate between being confident/hopeful and anxious. Honestly most of the time I only think one year out. I can't let myself be hopeful about things like a career, boyfriends, etc. in Katie's future. I REALLY hope it gets better for both of us as time passes.

sugar magnolia said...

First of all, I love your blog and will now be following it on my blogroll. I love that definition of fear...I need to remember that. And I love that affirmation idea. I save emails that I got about dd from the time she was born until today...love to go back and reread periodically. And my blog is a great way to remember the awesome things doctors and therapists say. Way to go!

Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do said...

The tissue box is an amazing idea and I hope it helps to center you when things aren't going well.

Dani G said...

Thanks for all the kind comments, friends!

Sometimes it's nice to get a boost... whether its from friends and strangers or from a tissue box!

K- floortime lite mama said...

Dani
Many many hugs
I know what you mean

On other things

1. I love your intro ( "then this is in fact your mama's blog)

2. This is my first visit to your blog and I am really liking it and will be adding it my blogroll

3. I have a question for you - how do you define a regression

Personally I found that R appeared to have regressions that were not real neurological reshuffles
But simply a temporary reaction to stress

Now I dont use that word anymore as it increases my stress level so much

Apologies for the endless comment

Dani G said...

Floortime Lite Mama is so right here on regression. Thank gd that the "regressions" Little Bird has are always temporary. They really aren't regressions in the true sense of the word, but rather they're dips, the low parts of the roller coaster. The sensory seeking and scripted speech increases, engagement and focus decreases. It's a pattern. But she always seems to reorganize and be able to come back and ride the roller coaster back up.... until the next time.

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