A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles raising a very sweet little girl with Autism and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Unravel

"While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love
In a ball of yarn
He'll never return it
So when you come back
We'll have to make new love"
-Bjork


Sometimes I have so much going on in my brain but I can't quite get it all into words. Then, I can hear a lyric that helps to make it all make sense. And that's when I can tell you about it.
The "while you are away" part is kinda hard to for someone who doesn't live like we do to understand. So, here's the best way for me to articulate the notion of my bird kinda "going away"...
Here she was when she was so "on"; really thriving and making good, solid progress; and taking a lot of initiative to be both very engaged and interactive
It was her school picture and you can see that she's totally right "there" and "with" you.

Here is just a couple weeks later


I know this happens with any kid, but we have about 3 pictures of this same pose when we're constantly calling her name and she never really "joins" us. 

Actually, I've looked through my pictures from the last month and there really aren't that many of her because- well, because she's just still long enough to take a pic. And that's just her physical body- her brain is on WAY overload and I think she's having a really hard time making sense of the world around her. Her sensory seeking behaviors are on hyperdrive. I'm anxious for her to come on back. It seems like 2 days ago was our bottom and that she won't really get any worse. But, I thought that a couple weeks ago, and again about a week later, and even again last week. Everyone who lives like we do knows that these periods come and go. And they come again. 

And it's true: while she's away my heart comes undone. I become a different person. It really only takes a tiny glimmer of hope to help me feel better. So, I guess I haven't completely given up. 

She's had two good days, so maybe she's making her way back. Stay tuned...

1 comment:

Piscesgirl said...

My heart is with you and your sweet little girl!! My "sensory seeker" and I are having almost a mirrored time of it right now. Stay strong girl! :)toran

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