A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sugar Magnolia 2001-2009

"I have to face the truth that no one will ever look at me like you do
Like I'm something worth holding on to"
-DCFC
October 28. It was the best day. It was the worst day. On 10/28/01 Greg came home and told me he'd just been to a shelter and he'd found the perfect cat for us. He'd been begging me to get a cat for a long time. I tried to appease him by just going to look. He was right. He'd found Cassidy. We agreed that she just had to come home with us. We put her back in the cage while we talked to the shelter people. As soon as the cage door closed, the other cat in there with her immediately went over to her in the sweetest, most protective manner. I turned to Greg and said we can't possibly split these two up. "We'll take two." Best decision I've EVER made. I will be forever grateful to Greg for convincing me to get cats. I'd just turned 24, been married for 2 weeks and I was a selfish, silly little girl. Those cats changed me and made me the person I am today, which, as you know, is pretty freaking awesome.
I was not the kind of girl who always wanted to grow up and get married, have babies, etc. I didn't think I had it in me. These cats taught me to be a mother. They showed me how to love unconditionally and, more importantly, allow someone else to love ME unconditionally. Cassidy was a little sassy and could give a bit of an attitude, but my Shugie was my boy no matter what. No one has ever loved me like he loved me.
This is how he took care of me when I was sick last week
10/28/09 We'd known his kidneys were failing. We knew his heart was failing. But there was still a lot of hope and the possibility that he could survive for a few more years. In my head I said "one more organ and I'm done." I'm not willing to allow him to live a life that he doesn't deserve just because I can't let go. I was told he would need a feeding tube to survive. One look at Shugie and you know the boy likes to eat. I got the call in the afternoon: the liver is now involved. You know that feeling where your blood pressure rises and your arms get all tingly and you're positive you're about to throw up? Well, I had it. Right around 13 mile and Orchard Lake. I knew. I called Andrea who has been an amazing friend to me for the past 7 years. She's my vet and like a sister to me. She agreed, made arrangements and cried with me.
I put the word out that I needed help with Little Bird while I go and say goodbye. The one person who insisted I drop my kid off and worry about nothing is my friend with the most on her plate- just a tiny measure of the amazing person and friend Lori is. I will forever be grateful to her.
I sat on a couch and Shugie was placed in my arms. His 22 pounds felt so good in my lap and immediately warmed me up. He purrrrrred right away. He had the best purr. I'm so glad that while messing around with my iPhone a few weeks ago, I recorded his purrrrrr. He was so weak, and obviously working hard to breathe. Greg and I hugged him, kissed him, thanked him. Told him to go take care of Cassidy in kitty heaven. We said the Shema and told him it was ok to go. Andrea said that it usually takes about 4 minutes for them to pass after administering the drugs. It took 30 seconds. Thank Gd because it shows that he really was that sick, really was that ready and I'll never wonder if I did the wrong thing. It was the right thing and I am glad I was of sound mind enough to put aside my own selfish stuff and take care of what he needed. That's what he taught me: how to be a real, kind, patient, unconditionally loving mommy. When they took his body from my lap, I suddenly got cold again.
I will probably never go another day without thinking of him. I'll hear his meow or think I see him out the corner of my eye for a long time. That will probably fade with time, but I'll never forget the gifts he gave me. And I'll never be the same.
Yes, I got him from a shelter and I saved him. But, really, he saved me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am speechless after reading this blog today. So sad today.

Anonymous said...

Your words are beautiful and so is your heart.

lori b said...

im still so sad, and reading this is really hard. and i said the same exact thing to you yesterday about my dog. he saved my life too! and just an fyi....my plate is never too full for you :)

Deann Reusche said...

oh my! That was so incredibly hard to get through!! Know that both your kitties are in a safe place where they are no longer hurting or in pain, and never will be again!

I have two very young cats, about 1 and 1.5. I can only imagine losing them in many years from now, (and hope to God it is). It will be hard.

Hang in there, and maybe a new small kitten will be in your future : )

~Deann

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