A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

You have NO idea

"All the way to Africa
AKA the Motherland"
-A Tribe Called Quest
Ok, so it's not Africa, but to my people, Israel is the motherland. I'll be traveling to Israel in about 3 weeks. I'm very excited and a little bit scared. I've never been away from Little Bird for more than 2 nights. Greg's mom will come into town and stay with her for the week that I will be away. That will be tough, but I'm not there yet. So I was on the phone with my girlfriend C, who is going with me on this trip. She's never been to Israel either. I was telling her that I'm especially looking forward to the spiritual renewal I'm hoping to find and feel while visiting a land with so much history and spiritual significance. I mentioned that I think it will be very good for Greg and me to experience it together, especially since we live such a difficult, exhausting, physically, emotionally and spiritually draining life. She replied, "oh, Dani, I had no idea your life was difficult." This brings up 3 thoughts for me. One is are you fucking kidding me? Another is that I wonder if this is why I don't get more support from friends: because they just don't know that this life is so hard. The last thing is that I must put on a happy face a lot more often than I thought. Remember this post about "the real me"? Anyway, people who really know me, really know that I often feel bankrupt. This has been a long, rough four years. It was actually this week four years ago that the pediatrician (at Little Bird's 6 month check up) suggested we start seeing specialists. Happy Anniversary. At that time we started hearing terms like "hypotonia" and "developmental delay" and all our friends and family said that by age 1 she'd be "caught up". At 1 they said by 2. At 2 they said 3. Then they stopped. I felt certain I'd be done with this journey by now, but here I am. I think I just totally digressed. My point is that I'm looking forward to this trip, this spiritual renewal, and anything that will make me feel a little renewed. I need a little renewal to keep up my fighting spirit!!


lori b said...

hmmmm. is it possible...that just maybe... its cuz you handle things with such grace, control and calmness? everyone has stresses in life. some more than others. but its how one deals with it. and you, my dear, make things look so effortless. of course it takes a lot of effort to make it seem effortless. so in reality...your friends comment is a testament to you and what a rockin, kick ass woman and mommie that you are! and im not trying to say this to kiss ass or anything. you really do have it all together. i think youll have a great trip to israel. brodie will do fine without you for a week. and you will be too! :)

Dani G said...

Lori- you are an amazing friend. Amazing.

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