I just had a completely crazy, in-freaking-sane thought. Wouldn't it be nice to move back to California?** Back to the land where everyone has their own swimming pools and the weather is nice all year round. Back to the land where I'd never struggle to find support, child care, good restaurants, diversity, help, etc. Back to the land where there are great programs for kids with special needs; where there is even insurance coverage for autism-related services and therapies.It's really hard to be so far away from family- to do this from all the way over here. I need more help than I'm getting. I need real, unconditional love and support. I need someone to take my kid off my hands for an hour so that I can get it together enough to handle the rest of the day. People often suggest I get a sitter or a nanny, but I never really have enough time to offer (we're going from one therapy to another all day long). The truth is, the cons outweigh the pros. Still, just as Lady Brett Ashley says in the closing line of The Sun Also Rises, "isn't it pretty to think so?" **whatever you do, DO NOT tell my husband or my parents that I had this thought. And under NO circumstances can you breathe a word to my mother in law!!