A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Goin' for a ride

"The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Because its only life after all, yeah!"
-Indigo Girls
I rode the ferris wheel last weekend. Seven years ago we went to the very same fair and I wouldn't go on. Greg had to go with someone else. This year we walked past it and he asked "wanna go on?"  I looked at him, smiled, and said "sure! Let's go!" 
As we reached the top he checked on me, "You ok? You scared?" Without missing a beat I answered, "I'm not afraid of a ferris wheel, or heights, or any of that. I'm afraid of Autism for the rest of my life."
So you can look at this two ways. Yes, it's sad. Autism sucks. Any time anything is "wrong" with your baby, it sucks- and you don't know until you know. I spent my morning venting to a dear friend, then spent the afternoon handing over $140/hour to cry about the same stuff to a pro. Some days are better than others, you know?! But the the other way to see this is that I have gained a new perspective in life. Fears about things that aren't real or aren't really happening don't dominate my mind much anymore. I guess it's about not renting out space in my brain to things (or people) that just don't matter. If nothing else, Autism has given me an amazing ability to prioritize. Like, really prioritize and let go of the little shit. Once I am able to do that, I can see just how much little shit there is. Now I'm able to keep my focus and some days I can find myself enjoying the ride... even the ferris wheel ride.


My name is Erin. said...

I broke down the other day when I thought about Abby at 16. I know we can do it, and I know she will be great, but still. It's scary sometimes.

My husband and had only been dating 9 months when we got pregnant with Abby. I used to joke that our kids had to move out on the DAY they turned 18, because husband and I haven't had much time alone, but now that doesn't seem quite as realistic a joke as it once did.

I'm glad you rode the Ferris Wheel.

Dani G said...

There's so much hope for girls like ours. I try really hard NOT to get too far into the future and think about Brodie living with me forever. I love the TACA quote "they told us to put our kids in an institution. We're hoping for Harvard."
I meet people all the time with kids dx'd at a young age and then they lose the dx in grade school; maybe they're just quirky. I try to hold on to that hope; knowing that happens, that it's possible. At the same time, I don't wanna get my hopes up and then crushed. It's such a roller coaster, isn't it? Or rather, maybe it's a ferris wheel !!! Hey, see what I did there??!! :)

My name is Erin. said...

LOL! So true. Abby's teachers have said that they have every expectation that Ab will move on to regular classes in Kindergarten with a shadow. She's so smart, I have faith in her ability to learn. I confessed to a friend once that I felt bad that Abby might always be the "weird" girl. And my friend, who is a special ed teacher in Idaho, said, "Yeah, but she'll be the hot, weird girl and you know all the guys secretly dug the hot, weird girl." Which of course leads to a whole other concern, but I get where she was going with that. LOL!

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