"The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Because its only life after all, yeah!"
I rode the ferris wheel last weekend. Seven years ago we went to the very same fair and I wouldn't go on. Greg had to go with someone else. This year we walked past it and he asked "wanna go on?" I looked at him, smiled, and said "sure! Let's go!"
As we reached the top he checked on me, "You ok? You scared?" Without missing a beat I answered, "I'm not afraid of a ferris wheel, or heights, or any of that. I'm afraid of Autism for the rest of my life."
So you can look at this two ways. Yes, it's sad. Autism sucks. Any time anything is "wrong" with your baby, it sucks- and you don't know until you know. I spent my morning venting to a dear friend, then spent the afternoon handing over $140/hour to cry about the same stuff to a pro. Some days are better than others, you know?! But the the other way to see this is that I have gained a new perspective in life. Fears about things that aren't real or aren't really happening don't dominate my mind much anymore. I guess it's about not renting out space in my brain to things (or people) that just don't matter. If nothing else, Autism has given me an amazing ability to prioritize. Like, really prioritize and let go of the little shit. Once I am able to do that, I can see just how much little shit there is. Now I'm able to keep my focus and some days I can find myself enjoying the ride... even the ferris wheel ride.