A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

from out of nowhere

"it can come from out of nowhere
hit you when you're safe and warm
take it easy, my star
your time is gonna come
your time is gonna come"
-Art Alexakis
Crisis. Tragedy. Turmoil. Out of nowhere. I think that's pretty much how it happens. I went out with my pregnant friend M the other night. She cringed, counting the number of cigarettes one woman in the restaurant smoked (yes, Californians, you can still smoke indoors here in Michigan. I know, right?!); she won't eat cool whip because there are too many chemicals; won't eat anything unpasteurized, etc.
I was totally the same way. I mean, I cut out coffee, artificial sweeteners, no soft cheeses, nothing undercooked at all. Still: Autism. It can come from out of nowhere. I have seen babies born addicted to crack cocaine turn out ok. I have seen pregnant girls eat raw fish, have a few cocktails, smoke a cigarette, their babies have been fine. I nursed my baby for a year and a half. I did all the right things. Still: Autism. It can come from out of nowhere. I still get angry when I think about it. Anger often masks sadness and fear. I've got those. I work harder than any other mom I know. Certainly harder than those who have no idea how easy they've got it. I often feel overworked and underpaid. Trying to keep it up, to keep on keepin' on. Trying to take it easy, and trust that my time is gonna come. My time is gonna come.

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