A sassy, crafty mama bird from Los Angeles
raising a very sweet little girl with Autism
and a new baby boy in the Midwest... and other stuff, too.

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Real Me

"Everybody I know seems to know me well,
but they're never gonna know 'cause I run like hell"
-Led Zeppelin
This blog has been voted #1 blog... by my mom. Seriously, my mom loves my blog! She says that even though we speak often (a few times a week), she feels like she gets the chance to know what's really going on with me (my thoughts and my feelings) by reading this blog. Here's her exact quote:
"I love your blog. It keeps me up to date on your thoughts. We talk about {Little Bird} everytime we talk, but your blog is more intimate. Love ya, Mom"
She's right. I don't do intimacy very well. I kinda keep people at a safe distance. I guess I feel more comfortable letting it all out here than I do putting it out there to others. In fact, I am often times pretty closed off and don't let many people in. I put on a happy face or tell the truth with an "I'm having a rough day", but I rarely tell the whole story. Maybe I feel like other people just wouldn't "get it". The truth is that I do feel so alone with all this, partially since I am, but also because there are a whole lot of people in my life who really just do not get it. I'm not a BFF kind of girl and even though I have had many friends my whole life and I am always making new friends, I never really show all my cards. I'm sure the shrinks and therapists of the world would have a field day with me. Actually, any time I ever tell a new therapist my story, they wind up with their jaws on the floor. It's not been easy, but it has all made me one tough broad. So, I'm not entirely a bitch; I'm just a little closed off sometimes. I guess I can't get hurt as easily this way. You'd be surprised how many 'friends' I've lost or let go of since really recognizing that Little Bird is "different", simply because they just couldn't give what I needed or because they weren't comfortable with the situation. Good riddance, I guess. The truth is, when tragedy strikes your life, you're given the opportunity to see who your real friends are and who really matters. Wait, did I just come up with a blessing that might have been brought on by Autism?? Naaaaaahhhh!
So, I guess if you want to know the real me, keep reading ;)


My name is Erin. said...

I'll keep reading.

I was actually just thinking about something along these lines actually. We left Montana, for many reasons, but one of them (in hindsight) is that my family there would never have been as supportive of Abby as we needed them to be. This was before we were pretty certain she had Autism. When I was having my suspicions, but nothing more. We needed them to watch her for a weekend and they said no. Said that she screamed too much. This is after I watched their daughter, my niece, for free 3+ days a week at my own insistence. I was shocked. They could have had a child that was hooked up to machines and required some sort of in depth medical treatment every hour and not only would I have taken care of that child for the weekend, but I would have insisted that they leave for the weekend every few months or so, so that they could have time off together. I was shocked that they wouldn't do the same for my sweet daughter who just so happens to scream a lot. I don't doubt that they love Abby or us... they are just not the family that we are supposed to live near by. It still makes me really sad, but I'm glad we figured it out early.

Jennifer Bresler Galperson said...

Dearest Dani;
You are a writing genius!! It is a true pleasure to read your thoughts.
I have heard thru the years that G-d gives us what we can handle.... I believe that! Dani I believe that with your words and amazing heart you will help so many others struggling to understand Autism.......
Keep the writing coming, and know that you and I don't talk very much but to have had the pleasure of seeing you from the time you were small and knowing you from back in the day, you are a true GIFT!!!
Please tell your family I send my hello's and a super big hug!!
Jen your old fabulous babysitter/friend

lori b said...

i aqree. it is good riddance! ive cleaned my friendship closet out a few times too. im glad were still in each others closets...cuz even tho you dont want any bff's, i aint goin' anywhere!

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